quesoflisteningespecially
ifyouareandevelopingthiskeyskillakedisciplineanddeteationatfirst,butiteeasy
andautotiverti
listeninghadifference
effectivelisteninganslisteninghadifferenceitsnotthe“lendyourearandilltellyouastory”typeoflistening;rather,itsaboutnvincingpeopleyouaretotallyinvolvedinisbeingsaid
ronon
ireeronceinehe
hostessofapartysheation
tosooneunfaliarto,shecrossed
overtoandsaid,“doyouknot,that
delightfulnitalkingto”ididnt“well,hes
oneofthestet,and
agreatnversationalistintelligent,articulate,andasingyoustethi
iniled“agreatnversationalist,intelligent,articulate,andasing,”shesaidas
edtoutterrethanawordor
theiced,agreatlistenerandinso
being,heabsolutelychardhishostess
thegiflistening
yourtoolsforchagothers
trytheseeffectivelisteningtechniqueslistening,pausing,askingthoughtfulquestions,andparaphrasingoneatatibeginbypracticingattentivelisteningathoandatpttointerruptjusthangon
theotherpersonseveryword
practicentrollinganddirectingthenversationbyusingthesevarioustechniquesyoulldisveryoucannicateredeeplyinutes
byaskingquestionsandlisteningcloselytotheanswersthanyouuldinseverale
chapter6
chag
aan
ifgoddeanythingbetterthanagirl,doverthought,hesurekeptittohielf
nelsonalgren,ahewildside
nandenaredifferent,inherthan
theobvious
oneofthestiortantappliisto
besensitiveandattractivetotheeninyourworldenloveningtheytobeh
thestantly
tobechagtoen,youhavetounderstandhow
theythinkandfeelyoustthensayanddothethingsthataffectthetionallyifyoutolikeyou
22
chagaan
stensprirysourceofpersonalvalueand
selfesteesfrohequalityoftheirrelationshipsportantpeopleintheirlivestheyplacean
evenhigherehasisthannonoute
andonhoheyareperceivedandtreatedbyothersthreedeepneedsofeveryan
thestpoportantetionalneedsofst
enareaffection,attention,andrespecttheyjudgeotherpeoplebytheir,andbytheir
nfidenceandpetenceinthe
extealappearancesandlookintotheheartofthepersontheyaretalkingto
theaanisbybeingtotally,100percent
captivatedbyherasaperson,andbyeverywordshesays,houtinterruptingorstoppingherfloionjustastandlookinto
eachotherseyes,soshouldyouallopletely,
totallyfascinatedbytheanyouaretalkingtoandyou
talkless,listenre
aedienneonytherapisti
gettotalknonstopaboutselfforanhour,justlikeanonafirstdate”thisisalltootrue
instead,thenexttiyouareanyoucare
about,resisttheoveringtetationtotalkaboutyourselfasifyourdayostfascinatingeventsincejesusheearthrather,askherquestionsaboutherselfandherday,aboutherlifeandheces,andthepo
thenlistenquietlyandattentivelytotheanswersshewillfindyoutobechag
brianonlisteningandquestioning
soyearsago,ookanattractive
younganouttodinnerthroughoutthedinner,iaskedherquestionsaboutherselfatacertainpoint,sheopenedupandtoldaboutaparticularlysadthingthathadhappenedtoher
iovedbyherpainatrecallingtheeventthati
sosorrythathappenedtoyou,”isaidand
ireallyantitinutes
ojustrelaxin
presence,nt
itygenuine
nceforherfeelingsandherexperiencecreatedapoweenus
toiressortobeiressed
eadof
talkingaboutyourselfandtryingtoiressher,beiressedbyheraskherquestionsandtalktoheraboutherhopesandnces,herbackground,hergoalsanddesirestalkandlistenasifyoufindhertobethestfascinatingpersonyouevert
thereyouareiressedbyher,byherideasand
opinions,heroreibr >
chagaan
pressedshehyousheobe
absolutelychag
yourtoolsforchagothers
seleagine
thatsheisthestinterestingandfascinatingpersonyouhaveeverttreathereurtesyand
respecthangonhereveryionsandlisten
closelytotheansanenurage
hertospeakhoutinterruptingortalkingaboutyourselfthenexttiyouetaanyoulike,practicethe
saskillsofacceptance,appreciation,andapprovalaskheraboutherethingtobe
iressedabout,oreventobeazedbythewonderofthesebehaviorsisthatthereyoupracticethethereinterestingandfascinatingyourulyfindhertobeandsheing
chapter7
chag
an
therearethreeenloversof
,loversofhonor,loversofgain
plato
naresu,likeputtyinyour
handsfroongexperience,enareoften
suspianing,knowing
thathe,beingan,yhaveulteriortivesn,on
theotherhand,areed,if
youdoitright
ngettheirgreatestsenseofvalueandiortancefrochievent,status,andtherespectofthekeypeopleintheirotivatedtobringho
26
chagan
thebanandprovidefortheelvesandtheirfaliesthisisageandident
